Have you ever woken up from a restful sleep and the first thing that enters your mind are “way/ways you went wrong” in your past? Well that is totally what happened to me last tonight, and it was a particular event that happened before I even reached high school, so like 23 years ago.

What-the-what I found myself questioning as I tossed and turned at 1:45 a.m., trying to go back to sleep, however, nope that was not how it all played out. Instead, I came, sat at my computer and started watching Youtube videos, pinning, and all the while reminding myself about forgiveness.

I must write to share that I give God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit many thanks, praise and adoration for everything, for being with me, and keeping me around (in this world) even though I fallen many times. There have been times in my life when I sought death, lived like I did not know God (even though I 100% did), and just royally messed stuff up. However, God is a mighty God, and as we are told in, 1 Samuel 16:7, “But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” The Creator knows us better than we know ourselves, and has a purpose and plan for you and I, Psalm139.   

As I have shared, this whole pandemic – house locked time has allowed me a lot of time to reconnect and refocus. However, with that has come a fair bit of condemnation for things in my past. Even though I have repented, and I didn’t know what I didn’t know at the time (in regard to some teachers / preachers I used to listen to), it still happens.  We all grow, change and evolve during our lives (or should), and not only do we need to ask God for forgiveness, but we need to accept it ourselves, and extend that forgiveness to others. Also I write condemnation, because I sincerely believe most (if any) of this is not coming from God, because there is normally a small after echo that tells me to “stop doing all things for God and the Kingdom because you are not worthy and it isn’t worth it”, so yeah …

This is not saying I am never brought under conviction, but there is a difference. I found a post that sums it up pretty well :

• Conviction is from God (accept it); condemnation is from Satan (reject it).
• Conviction leads you to repentance; condemnation drives you to despair.
• Conviction inspires you to keep striving; condemnation tells you to quit.
• Conviction says God will help you; condemnation says there’s no hope for you.
• Conviction shows you the answer; condemnation only shows you the problem.
• Conviction helps you change; condemnation says you’ll never change.

Also, we are told in the Bible, that God doesn’t remember our sins (Hebrews 8:12, “For I will be merciful toward their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more.”) and an article (audio and text) by John Piper can be found here in more detail on that topic, should your desire further study.

Yet, we are told multiples times that we will be attacked by the evil of this world (spiritual warfare), and to be honest, all I want (and I will say it on repeat for years to come), is that people come to the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ, and develop a personal relationship with the Trinity (Creator God, Son/Savior Jesus and Helper Holy Spirit). I’ve always written in hopes that I can encourage, plant a seed, water what has already been planted, but in no way think myself higher than anyone, and surely not better than the Redeemer of this world, for only by His sacrifice can I be called worthy.

I conclude with this, no one knows the time or place of Jesus’s return (rapture and/or 2^nd "official coming" aka anti-Christ dethroned), but what I do know is that there isn’t a better time than now, to accept that Jesus Christ is the risen Son of the Holy God, and give your life over to Him.

This is why I write. This is why I design pins. This is why I help and do everything else that I do.

I know where I am going when I take my final breath, do you?